Drowning and suffocating

by Jolyn Low

I feel like I’m dying honestly. Not in the literal, physical sense but my pride is taking a huge hit now. I feel more spiritual these days just because I’m looking for something to fall back upon. And I’m just so frustrated with myself and the coincidences that surround and plague my life that I feel like I’m going to explode.

I managed to fall off whilst riding today. Yeah, life sucks. I think that my riding has deteriorated or I’m just unlucky with the horse. It just kept spooking and shying about, running as a result and I was so tired of it. It was like the third time when it did it and it was circling nicely before it suddenly went berzerk thus catching me unbalanced and halfway off. I was considering jumping off but I knew that I would land badly. But I did anyway and I landed on my back and it was excruciating to say the least. Worst fall ever. Just because I landed wrongly. I made a strangled crying sound after landing – I couldn’t help myself I was that frustrated and in pain.

I got back on and it all went to hell the bloody thing wouldn’t calm down. It was kinda taunting me because it was fine and seemed fine when standing still but once I got it moving it just went all frisky spooky and shit.

So to sum up my day, I have to be one of the unluckiest and most pathetic people on earth. Someone please save me. I feel so angsty and upset that I feel like I might explode. But I can’t because I don’t like feeling that way. It is all that encompasses me – weak.