Regular miracles

by Jolyn Low

I am such a narcissistic useless brat (lol). 

I’ve literally spent my weekend lazing about the house. I procrastinated Friday away, spent Saturday having piano before slacking and learning about random things and Sunday was spent at church, riding and then being hungry and snacking away. The dog is adorable atm, its like fluffy and all cute and lovely. I’m also slowly but surely clearing my wardrobe which is awesome. I’ve got a huge need to get rid of more revealing/things that I just don’t wear anymore/that don’t fit me very well. Plus the extra money is good, I’m trying to save up for next time.

Maybe I’ve been too pampered for the first part of my life. I guess I’ve had a very good upbringing on the enrichment sense? Primary school life was the highlight of this. I had countless enrichment courses and activities every week. At the age of 10 I passed my swimming test gold. I also completed the swim programme at my school. I had all those silly brain training courses and art classes, not to mention horse riding lessons and piano lessons which I still continue up till today. On top of that list of activities I also had tuition for every subject then. Which is insane I can’t imagine how I lived to be honest. This excessive expense makes me realize how truly fortunate I am. I guess my parents wanted the best for me and gave me all the opportunities to really excel but I didn’t (obviously to the extent they wanted me to). So when I got my psle results I guess they were really disappointed. Maybe I’m just not as smart.

Sometimes I really doubt if my caliber is there. I don’t understand things in science especially in chemistry but when I really sit down and have a good teacher I do get it. Maybe it’s just that I’m a slow learner? Maybe I just need someone to form the links for me. But at times, for other subjects I find myself “getting it” much better. I might have chosen the wrong subject combination for myself. Maybe I’m inclined someplace else. But what the hell I’m in too deep to care I’m just going to struggle my way out of this crap till the big A’s.

I had a mini freak out and went online desperately researching on a university education. No matter where I study it’s not going to be really affordable. Which just frustrates me. Scholarships are pretty much out of the question for me because I don’t even take 4H2s.

Society is maddening.

So is technology. Sometimes I just want to sell my phone off and get one of those olden day keypad phones because the ease of access to the internet is horrible and is screwing me over. Or maybe just keep this phone till it’s outdated and gross and cancel my data plan. That seems like a promising idea.

I’m trying to memorize organic chemistry now when there’s a test tomorrow I’m such an idiot. 😦 goodbye world this is my death.