All of me

by Jolyn Low

/sigh/

To be a selfish little brat and disregard monetary circumstances for the sake of what makes me happy and for what i want to explore? Or to take the normal and easily paved road that is much safer.

Probably my last game played with international opponents. This is so crazy but reality is slowly creeping into everything that I do. All the lasts are occuring. Last time playing at the Padang, last March school holidays ever. But there is little time left.

My mind is constantly bothered and bogged down. I’m so so so weak and human succumbing to little pressures. I feel like I need to scream and jump off a cliff (not literally) and redo everything. I want to redo my life. But it’s obviously not happening. I want my life from A’s to be filled with whatever I want to do. My interests and without restrictions. I don’t know what I want to do but I have my moralistic opinions guiding me in my actions. It’s so selfish but I shouldn’t study something I don’t want to. Maybe a gap year. Maybe. Liberal arts. Maybe it’s the way to go.

I need warmth and hugs and good cups of milk tea and a warm blanket to hide me from monsters and the horrors that my brain conjours. Physically I feel so shitty just plain unhealthy and fattened.

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