I’m latching onto you

by Jolyn Low

Ugh can I just express how much I love Sam Smith. I also stumbled onto Sia’s new mv for Chandelier and omg it’s amazing. The haunting dance just enhances the eargasm that the song is. I wish she would perform it love though, the recording does no justice to her amazing voice. I don’t like it when singers belt on recorded songs – though it’s nice, just the visualization of it being sung live and really filling the space up with sound dulls the music. I do get the chills but it’s never the same as live performances.

And the dancer was so amazing. I mean, her moves were perfect and her expression and that wig. The mv was perfect. I wish I was sent to dance classes, I mean, to be able to express yourself through your movements and your body, illustrating what you feel is probably the most liberating form of art ever. Not to mention it looks amazing. But really, I love watching such performances.

I think I know why I wasn’t sent to dance lessons (lol) I was a brat and threw fits about enrichments when I was young (I.e unwilling to enter room and emo) and I was kinda a tomboy since young?! Reminds me, first time I wore a dress after coming to enlightenment was when I was 14 I think. And even now, I hardly wear them.

So I tried baking today and can i say that it was an utter failure. I didn’t have baking soda so it didn’t rise well, and it’s like a pathetic overflowing plateau of a sweet mess. Someone save me how to get married like that!?!?! Can’t even be a basic housewife. I can cook instant noodles though, point to me thank you. And spaghetti. Interested? Anybody? Kidding though.

Whatever a promise is a promise. I tried my best and whisked that shit together manually okay, after a damn game no less at 10pm.

Working my way back up and getting back into the groove of studying again, though I’ve got shitloads to catch up on. Sincerely feel bad and repentant – going to catch up, don’t worry. I’m really grateful for the support of the teachers though, I do appreciate them trying to help me and taking the time and effort to encourage me. Subtly or right in my face. I’m really encouraged by them writing on my work “good effort” or “keep it up” when i do well, telling me that they see the potential in me, or even just paying more attention to me, offering their assistance and understanding why I’ve been missing from classes and struggling. I work better on positivity and encouragement anyway.

I absolutely hate it when they just put you down and make you feel like utter crap for not doing well though. I mean, thanks but no thanks. Some things just don’t work and it’s so disgusting in my opinion with such discriminatory practices and judgement. So for that bunch, damn you all. No respect for you /glad to be free of your bullshit soon. (Inserts finger)

Feeling appreciative tonight I see. I’m sorry for anyone who takes my disgruntledness and grouchiness tomorrow. I’m dog tired. Today was a good day.