Here comes Death

by Jolyn Low

It’s been an exhausting near-end of the week and I’m absolutely hammered. This works though, bring forced to study. The issue is probably the immense amount of crap that has to be processed in such a short time. There is never enough time to be honest. I’ve messed up so badly before – thank goodness I have this break to attempt to catch up. At this moment in time, I’m less than a quarter done. Things have to be done faster.

With so much time to think and ponder, looking at how things pass by everyday, I’ve begun to appreciate how joyous my life has been before this. I really spent it doing everything and anything that I liked. Training doesn’t seem so tough compared to calculations. In fact, I welcome the shutting down of the mind as I get things right. Yearning so badly for such an escapede. Running would have to do for now, although I’m so unfit and gross and slow. Ew/ugh why do I let myself slip so much. What I’ve been consuming hasn’t exactly been healthy either.

Wowza to a new record of motivation and most amount of work I’ve ever done in a day. Productivity shooting through the roof as long as I keep my phone locked away and untouched. Spotify ruins my concentration but the lack of music makes me drowsy as hell. I should drink more coffee/ find a solution to that mhm. My sleep cycle has been better too – turning in early and getting up pretty early too. I just want straight B s or something. I know that I don’t deserve much with such intelligence/laziness. But can this hard work pay off? Does hard work pay off?

It’s pretty funny how something that used to be so small and insignificant to me before – a plushie could be something that is so precious to me now. Mum passed it to me when they delivered me some stuff earlier and it’s become my new thing that I hug to sleep every night. Literally cuddling it in my arm and waking up still clinging on to it. I need a study light I swear the lighting in this hostel is horrendous. And I’m so done with communual sharing shit I like being alone and having my space.

Being an idiot (lol) I didn’t know that cup noodles didn’t come with a complimentary fork or something so i went down to get chopsticks from the uncle and he looks mad oh man there goes my mission of making friends with all the shop keepers to get more food :-‘( yes, I am that manipulative.

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