Lusting and losing

by Jolyn Low


I cannot I feel like I need to get so many things but I obviously don’t have the budget for it right now and want to get the real authentic thing. And I realised that it’ll look better if I lost a tad bit of weight especially on the thighs and butt so many things I can’t fit into because of them problem areas :-‘( I must succeed in losing and maintaining this time round!

Does anyone else feel like what they’re doing is so pointless too? Trying but not getting the results that you want – sounds so results orientated but that’s what the world is, isn’t it? I don’t have any idea about what I want to do, I dislike working hard since I dislike the subject. The only things that I’m semi passionate about are so worthless to the pragmatic. It even feels worthless to me too. Beyond what I like to do, all of which are superficial and worthless, there is no burning passion or conviction. What a joke. Put in such a position and not even having anything one is actually interested in. Even a child has more ambition than I do.

I’m turning 18 like wtf not ready to be legal yet but ever so ready for it? It’s a pretty ambiguous feeling, like I’m officially going to be an adult but I don’t want the responsibilities and I feel so damn old. Others my age are going to college in other countries and I haven’t even graduated from bloody high school. Genius education system this country has, really. I think this sentiment is largely fuelled by this want to keep up with others of my age group and to get over my period of education as quickly and painlessly as possible. Everything is too rigid and constricting here. So many limitations and so many forced things. Too many useless things that take up precious free time and too much discrimination.

I’ve so much to be thankful for – shall cut this short because being all expressive on the internet is kinda pushing the boundaries.

I’m a slave to the sound.