Though the pressure’s hard to take, it’s the only way I can escape

by Jolyn Low

I honestly need a damn good full body massage and an outlet to deal with the shitstorm that is learning and revising. This school is hell. I feel like sarcastically laughing and screaming at myself/whoever sent me here to be honest. That’s what you get taking advice from an idiot I suppose. I’m making my own decisions from now on. There’s a tendency to go head on to do whatever I like, but it is always in anticipation of resistance of the worst kind. I know that the fear of failure drives this constraint but what is failure when you’re sent into an institution that encompasses it right down to the smallest degree?

On the brighter side I’m working out again hooray! Hence the reason for wanting a massage. Would like to fly to Thailand after an extremely intense workout just to get rid of those knots and twist my damn body back to normal/to kill those stiff muscles. Recently, I weighed myself after like 5 months and to my horror I’m soon to hit 45 kilos. Which I told myself is a no-no weight because I’ve never surpassed that figure and I honestly liked my body best around 42-43. I know that I shouldn’t do it this way but I am eating a tad too much for my physical output and hence the weight and adipose tissue gain which greatly annoys me.

(I am doing this healthily btw just saying. I’m not starving in no way – 3 proper meals a day and unhealthy ones at that. Not forgetting to mention my erratic meal timings at times.)

It’s easy for me to work on my core, back and upper body area because I’m terribly weak and lacking in those areas. But being the damn little pear I am I can’t seem to tone my lower body oh goodness someone save me. I’m trying to run again but its hard to pick off when your stamina is utter shit. At least I’ve managed to clock a 20 min run tonight but there’s much more that can be done. Oh and my entire face was super flushed since then wow unfit much.

I shall aim to work out thrice a week including my riding lessons! Or excluding, maybe. I’m not sure. Maybe I should use that stupidly long break in my timetable to hit the gym. Courtesy of the time tabling committee once again.

43kg here I come! And to a healthier lifestyle.