A calling to be happy

by Jolyn Low

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Hey, again. I’ve been so inconsistent in jotting down my thoughts recently – as though there’s a writer’s block yet this isn’t fiction and words should come easily because we are all self-centred beings.

How does society exactly decide what we should do? It is so conflicting and befuddling. Isn’t that the ultimate joy of being human; of life. You find things contradictory, question things. Yet again you realize that you’re nothing. Just another typical product of your society. Just as imperfect or more so because of the insecurities that plague everyone.

I was riding today and was feeling extremely confident at the beginning. All was well. Then I started doubting and tensing up. And boom the spell is broken. The horse felt it and got uneasy, and I can’t blame it. The feeling of losing control is horrendous. Sometimes it takes off and I can’t do anything but hold on. But as it happens more you just learn how to sit back and hang on for the ride. Life in a nutshell. I’m just going to continue with what I’m doing with poise and a calm spirit and I’d make it in the end.

In all sincerity, I hope that I could pass all my subjects for the upcoming prelims properly for once. No half assed U for chemistry. Preferably above D for everything at minimum. Just penning down my goals for future references.

The suppression of true emotion backfires every time. Yet so much goes unsaid. I wish you were a better person. I wish I were a better person too. I tell myself that “I’d never let myself be like you” but the sad fact is that I probably would. I would remain righteous though. The devil can’t stop me now.

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