by Jolyn Low

I need time alone. To think and to reflect. Maybe to have another mental breakdown because its too stressful to interact pleasantly with others. It’s like living in a little shell, the world going on around you whilst you become absorbed in the work. The drudgery continues. So do the cogs in the mind. Grinding away with no rest.

In phases of weakness I reflect and think and feel like sobbing for everything that has been done for me. I cannot let myself down by not being the best that I can be. I was raised better than this. Grades do not define me but I define success as excelling. The results do not matter, the process does. I’ve done this once and I’ll do this again. I’ll give this my best shot and then at least I can rest with no bloody regrets.

I really really hope that your irrevocable love is worth me.