Isolated thoughts

Month: February, 2015

Resumes and prospects

I’m so unsure on what I want to do after this internship ends. Friday was good – the kids were pretty well behaved and I felt that they were much more responsive. Yay for teacher-student relationship!

The next two weeks are going to be quite interesting though. Going for a field trip with them on Tuesday and having a busy Monday as usual which makes me so happy. I’ll admit that I complain a lot but it’s been a better week and I’m finally seeing some fruits of my labour so it’s quite fulfilling.

Work at night almost killed me though. Some customers have no basic respect at all. It obviously pisses you off when you’re trying your best to provide good service and things just don’t go the way you want it to. Thankfully it’s just a casual position and I frankly don’t care much for it. Just going to grind through them hours and come back with more money.

Moving on, I’m not very sure what other job to pursue after this. I’m quite keen on doing something really wild and crazy (as well as highly irrelevant for any portfolio) but I really love the subject. I’m not sure if I’ll make it through the selection/get the job though. Should be able to secure another that’s closer to home and convenient with a reasonable pay so I’m not sure what to do if I get it. I need more income so might still have to work another part-time job but really don’t know if I can.

Let’s just wait for Monday and see what happens, huh.

Hollow

Am going to be working tomorrow alone and and it’s causing loads of unfounded anxiety and fear. Some are silly, such as that of missing the bus home. Not sure if I should continue or if I should stop. Is there something better out there? I hope so.

Schedule’s really quite messed up too. It really depends on which university I end up attending. Which, in turn, heavily lies on my results. During work, I drafted something on my notebook. It was my expectations vs reality table for the results. It’s not the end-all to be honest. I’m just not very sure about where exactly I stand. I guess I’m expecting the range from A to C. And I’m hoping that my rank points aren’t below 80. Hopefully I’ll live up to the 82-83 that was projected from psle (lol).
I’m leaning towards nus though…the pros such as tuition fees, proximity to my house compared to other unis, and the plethora of courses available for one to explore are drawing me in. Sure, the shorter completion time of other unis are tempting too but at this moment, I’m really not sure what I can do anyway. I just know that when I enter uni, I’m going to try my bloody best for those 4×9 months. No half-assing anything.

I’m quite happy to be getting back into the swing of things now. Just two more weeks to the end!

Completed

I’ve completed the series (Harry Potter) in the past 7 days. I started out rather skeptical – I’d read the sorcerer’s stone once before but had forgotten a huge part so I read it again before embarking on the following novels. Never did I expect to complete it within a week. It’s the most I’ve read on my spanking new kindle since I’ve got it for a rather ill deserved yet wonderful present. If I Stay seemed to be the only book before it. It’s been an amazing journey through the books. Can’t say that I was captivated throughout, but I kept going back for more. Every spare moment I had was spent in the wonderful world created in the book that had manifested in my visual mind. I did attempt watching the movies with every book that I read but I stopped at the third because they seemed too long and drawn out in comparison to what I read. I wish I could live in that happy little fantasy forever but it’s time to put the series behind me for good. It’s definitely a good read.

image

I think I might progress to Quidditch through the Ages and Tales of Beetle the Bard but tomorrow’s going to be a trip back to reality so that might have to wait.

Internship till 2 and working a shift till 1130 because money makes the world go around.

Don’t fall now

I think my soul and brain need some tlc.

Sometimes things don’t come full circle

It feels great not waking up at ungodly hours in the morning. 630 has been the common timing and it’s horrible. Am really enjoying the lunar new year in peace and quiet this time around. If only the weather was more dull with the presence of rain/wind. But that’s just what I want because of the habit of burning candles.

image

Looking forward to completing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire; lazing on bed in the sheets and poring over it. It’s been an enjoyable read. I’ve always watched the movies – disliked the hoo-ha and unable to keep track of the successive stories but aware of the plot. Reading and piecing everything together makes it much more enjoyable. I’ve also been watching the movies as I finish the books. They’re kinda long but it’s difficult to capture all the details. I do recall the Chamber of Secrets and the Goblet of Fire the most though from all the movies. Maybe because of how outstanding the plots were/visually stimulating it was. I remember getting premier tickets for the Deathly Hallows part 1 too but ended up watching part 2 online (ha ha). Got lost for the movies beyond the Goblet of Fire though. Hope that this is a good refresher and I’m looking forward to seeing the characters develop across the remaining 3.5 books. Sirius Black is my favourite so far. But he’s still quite obscure so I’m not sure how it’ll turn out. I really loved the Prisoner of Azkaban… I usually dislike rooting for the main characters but I can’t help but fully support Harry, Ron and Hermione.

It’s a good break.

/

I don’t know if it’s just me but I’ve been becoming more and more isolated than ever. It’s like I’m slowly drifting off to the middle of the sea and sinking quietly into the oblivion within.

Head on

Had the worst/craziest Friday-Sunday but it feels great to have accomplished and survived.

The Friday shift was madness but I was running on the high of work being over for the week. Helped that the manager was really nice too. I always count down to the Fridays and the days my shows come out which is a sad way to live but it eases the burden of work.

Had theory evaluation and passed so BTT here I come! It’s in April though, a day before my grade 8 (and hopefully final) piano exam ever. It’s going to be stressful – I think I need the three weeks after this job ends to take a step back and focus on completing it once and for all.

On the bright side, I’m going to be travelling to Vietnam this coming June! I’m really looking forward to it because I’ve never been there before. Am going to have to be on a budget though because I’ve not been earning enough with the work I’m taking up. It’s alright, I suppose that that’s good practice for the future.

I can’t wait for the results to be released just end this torturous wait already. Can just imagine all the gossiping and fuss in the staff room in the morning aha.

Trying to be more independent but it’s so tiring/difficult to do so. Need to break out of this cycle and cut unnecessary things out of my life.

On a side note, I plan to work out. Ridings been killing me. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed another sport as much as this. If only I could do this every day/ for a living…

image

image

Burnin’ candles all night and finally getting started on the Harry Potter series. I know, I know…well it’s better late than never. So far I’ve been enjoying the books but am feeling slightly overwhelmed by the plethora of characters. Reminds me of a Dickens novel except a couple of times worse.

Okay Jolyn time to save up for that laptop/dslr/trip overseas! You can do this!

Side note: don’t starve self too much in attempt to save money.

Dreadful dreaming

There seems to be this arcadian dream in the back of my head…it is beautiful. But then I’m brought back to this reality where everything is uncertain. Its a massive cluster of screw ups and muddle here. How do I attain that dream? Is it a mere figment of my imagination or can I really make that reality?

I’m looking forward to the weekend. Its going to be exhausting as hell but to be honest, nothing makes me more alive than rushing about and juggling a million things at once. It doesn’t hurt that there is monetary incentive for me either. I honestly don’t mind the work that it is…its a job that people (sometimes) look down upon or think that isn’t worth it. In my opinion, its hard work. It is what it is. I feel satisfied knowing that I’ve done my best serving others. The fact that I’ve met so many people from so many different walks of life opens your eyes too. I daresay that I’ve had some of the best conversations and most fun whilst on this job too. Its going to be worth it in the end.

Sadly, can’t say the same for the internship. I really dread work every day. I drag myself there, slack off as much as I can and still end up so exhausted and weary.

Hence, I’ve already been searching for alternative jobs out there. I’m thinking of venturing into retail too. Since I’ve pretty much done service and office based jobs. Seems interesting enough (the discounts won’t hurt too). Might try a real proper service job…maybe one day.

I refuse to write indirect comments but I’m just so frustrated and mad.

What brought this on

Some days I struggle with myself, wrestling with the abject failure that is myself.

But hey I should be happy to be alive…should I not?

I just feel so insecure in my own skin sometimes. Sure there are some spurts of over confidence but when it’s bad…shit goes down in my mind. I wish I was more happy with myself. I suppose we can be our ultimate fans yet harshest critics at times.

I’ve really been thinking of getting inked. Maybe once this internship is over and I’ve more time to myself and no commitments that I’ve to fulfil. Maybe after a pretty major event this year called collecting my results. Been thinking about what I’d get and to be honest my predictions are quite dismal.
I expect a C/D for GP because I really messed up my AQ with shitty arguments and only two arguments. My short answered questions suck and my summary isn’t my strongest suit. For the essay, I wrote the question about current events and the need to be concerned about international vs national affairs. Its a question that I’ve attempted before but then again, I feel like my essay wasn’t convincing enough. Lacklustre writing, as always.

H1 Mathematics – A. I expect an A because I’m pretty sure that I’ve got section A fully correct. I’ve only one or two definitely wrong from section B. So that’s pretty near full marks after checking the answers online. I’m quite confident that it’s going to be an A. Best subject choice of my A levels I swear.

As for my H2s, I’m expecting straight Bs at best because I’m not confident in my performance at all. I found chemistry to be quite manageable but then again I’m not the strongest in chemistry and the bell curve is bound to push me down. For biology, I didn’t manage to memorize the entire 100 learning outcomes so that sucked. Not to mention how I’ve only scored a C in prelims. Not really confident in doing well but please, bell curve be in my favour. Paper 2 and 3 shattered me so badly. My planning question was all over the place and there was a question that messed me up in paper 3. Lastly, literature…oh man. Screwed up AOI and AMS. Paper 1 was tough. Chose the second pair of poems for comparison and kind of had a skewed intepretation of one of them. Had no idea what to write for AOI. Paper 3 was easier but I’m just not confident. I feel like I’m really superficial so it doesn’t surprise me if I was too shallow.

So that’s that I guess. I’m expecting a BBB/AC if all goes well or BBC/AD if I screw up badly. And I hope that’s enough for what I would like to do.

First lesson tomorrow and I’m getting jitters.

Payday mayday

Fml looks like I just dug my grave. Tapping a card, really?!?!?!?!?

And it’s not like they’ve any idea what is happening/are even prepared for this seriously. Why did I even sign up for this.

Getting a shitty salary already, found out I’m never pursuing this career for life, forced to follow through with this programme, and now my salary is going to be cut more. Bye money.

I hate my life.

Just a little rush babe

I’m so exhausted. The week has literally flown by. It’s Friday tomorrow and that’s when hell begins. I have to admit, I’m excited. But I need to pace myself if I’m going to make it through the next 55 hours.

To give a run down of the killer schedule:
Work from 7.30am to 1.30pm tomorrow > head down to start my 4-11.30pm shift > catch the bus home at 12 midnight > sleep > basic theory lesson at 7.30am > piano lesson from 12.30 > work again from 4-11.30pm > sleep (a long one, too)

It’s kind of ridiculous how schedules can pile up so badly sometimes and this is one really bad example. I’m excited to start on a new casual job and I’m so happy that I’ve company. The past week has gone swimmingly well.

I like to think that it’s because of the company. I’ve never felt happier this year. It’s like a missing piece finding its place in the puzzle.

It’s insane to think that I’m going to be receiving my a level results in 3 weeks time too. What will happen? Will I be able to pursue my dreams? I do not regret anything though. My journey to the exams was so beneficial and eye opening. I tried. Maybe not my best, but I did give it a good shot. I suppose I’ll know where I stand. I’d have closure. That part of my life would finally be over and I can move on with confidence. I can finally get going with chasing my dreams! It feels so liberating.

Okay this is the end for now. I loved walking along and spending time with people I love. Visited the Asian civilisation museum and had a blast. Onwards to more adventures and good times.

image