What brought this on

by Jolyn Low

Some days I struggle with myself, wrestling with the abject failure that is myself.

But hey I should be happy to be alive…should I not?

I just feel so insecure in my own skin sometimes. Sure there are some spurts of over confidence but when it’s bad…shit goes down in my mind. I wish I was more happy with myself. I suppose we can be our ultimate fans yet harshest critics at times.

I’ve really been thinking of getting inked. Maybe once this internship is over and I’ve more time to myself and no commitments that I’ve to fulfil. Maybe after a pretty major event this year called collecting my results. Been thinking about what I’d get and to be honest my predictions are quite dismal.
I expect a C/D for GP because I really messed up my AQ with shitty arguments and only two arguments. My short answered questions suck and my summary isn’t my strongest suit. For the essay, I wrote the question about current events and the need to be concerned about international vs national affairs. Its a question that I’ve attempted before but then again, I feel like my essay wasn’t convincing enough. Lacklustre writing, as always.

H1 Mathematics – A. I expect an A because I’m pretty sure that I’ve got section A fully correct. I’ve only one or two definitely wrong from section B. So that’s pretty near full marks after checking the answers online. I’m quite confident that it’s going to be an A. Best subject choice of my A levels I swear.

As for my H2s, I’m expecting straight Bs at best because I’m not confident in my performance at all. I found chemistry to be quite manageable but then again I’m not the strongest in chemistry and the bell curve is bound to push me down. For biology, I didn’t manage to memorize the entire 100 learning outcomes so that sucked. Not to mention how I’ve only scored a C in prelims. Not really confident in doing well but please, bell curve be in my favour. Paper 2 and 3 shattered me so badly. My planning question was all over the place and there was a question that messed me up in paper 3. Lastly, literature…oh man. Screwed up AOI and AMS. Paper 1 was tough. Chose the second pair of poems for comparison and kind of had a skewed intepretation of one of them. Had no idea what to write for AOI. Paper 3 was easier but I’m just not confident. I feel like I’m really superficial so it doesn’t surprise me if I was too shallow.

So that’s that I guess. I’m expecting a BBB/AC if all goes well or BBC/AD if I screw up badly. And I hope that’s enough for what I would like to do.

First lesson tomorrow and I’m getting jitters.