Dead lines

by Jolyn Low

I’m being a huge screw up as per normal. I’m pushing the datelines for so many things I don’t even know why I bother applying for all this shit anymore if I get no replies. Forget about scholarships I can’t even be bothered to write why I deserve it because I probably don’t in everyone’s eyes. Bad time management killing me again hooray.

I really don’t know if this is worth the shot ugh feeling all stressed out because I have a damn piano exam next week which I’m not prepared for and might fail for the third time straight. I’m prepared to quit because I just cmi at some things I’m sorry it’ll be a miracle if I pass. Despite the unemployment there is always so much shit to be done which makes it impossible to savour and relax. There’s also BTT the day before piano which I have yet to study for how I winged the evaluation on 5 hours is of sleep I have no idea. I should probably have been using my time more wisely building up portfolio or some crap but with so many issues how the hell am I going to do that? Add on the stress and anxiety over shortlisting for the courses that I want and require aptitude tests which are out of my control and I’m quite screwed over. Need to read up on the subjects too to prepare for interview ugh cortisol levels rising majorly like a dam about to spill this train wreck is killing me. And then there’s the what ifs. What if I don’t get shortlisted? This is all within the following 3 weeks please let me get through this. It’ll end on the 18th but I’m so so stressed out because of how much I want to do well.

Not to mention the anxiety waiting for the call backs for scholarship applications out of 3 only 1 has responded and I’ve no idea what to do omg. Might need a portfolio but no time for that either ugh but I’ll have to work something out.

I’m ranting and I’m probably being annoying as hell (sorry) but I really need to get this off my chest. I feel horrible and that’s all I can say.