Week of trails

by Jolyn Low

Monday – it’s over.

This was my first and probably my last scholarship assessment for an organization. I doubt that I’ll be called up again. I’m bracing myself for the rejection email that’ll probably reach me twice as fast if it ever arrives at all. It was an activities based assessment – being randomly grouped and tasked to complete a discussion. Looking back, it was alright. I didn’t have any difficulties interacting (oh, the horror) but I did mess up big time. There was a q&a after the presentation and I was totally silent. I knew that I should speak up and at least give some input but I had nothing useful to say at all because I just didn’t really know what to say…it wasn’t one of the issues that I really cared about. I find myself more passionate about alternative housing and more freedom…a more diverse and free market where there is a place for everyone. Seems as though family is the only place in this society.

I still find myself harbouring very different perspectives and thoughts. Having “novel” ideas. I don’t know but I just feel like I didn’t fit in because I wasn’t interested in the same things/in that particular debate. Like a circle when everyone else seems to be easily fitting into squares.

It makes me feel so horrid inside but I can’t change this. At least I’ve tried my best. There will always be another way.

Now all I want to do is to curl up into a ball in my dark corner and hide from the world. Too much damn interaction and socialising for the day, no thank you. Isolation fits me like a glove but hiding would mean death in this society.

Ah, society.