What it feels like

by Jolyn Low

It feels like someone is playing a fucking game with me now. Maybe this is why I don’t believe in God, the root of why I have problems with faith. There’s this feeling that I’m always an insignificant, undeserving puppet being toyed with. Always inferior, and always taking the brunt of misery. Can’t I have a break? Can’t this God, if there is just grant me this one breakthrough? No, whatever being there is can’t. Because it’s a fucking joke to everyone else but me.

“Oh, you should’ve done that.”

Fuck that. Fuck. That. I’ve had enough of being put down and not having support. Nothing is ever good enough for you. All you care about is the long term investment. No one can empathize. It’s a black hole in here. And the amalgamation of anger, contempt and sadness is so difficult to deal with alone. I’m really not sorry for lashing out at assholes from now on (although I might be a major one but hey always hypocritical no, world?).

I feel like I’ve been fooled. Fucking stupidest 10 minutes of my life ever. Life goes on, and guess what, fuck them for making me feel like crap. I’ll rise again, just all you see.

My face is uglier than Kim Kardashian’s when I cry (lol).

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