Isolated thoughts

Month: July, 2015

Zilch

Been heading to bed exhausted for the past week or so. It’s the feeling of being completely drained and lethargic, my body’s way of saying “I can’t take this anymore. I need to recharge.” But when I wake up in about 7 hours or so I feel so groggy that I just head right back to my dreams yet again. It’s not that I’ve been doing nothing. I have. I’ve been working, finishing up administrative things for university, learning driving, training, riding, and reading. But it feels like a complete waste of time. I’m standing at the platform waiting for the bullet train and I’m going to be left behind.

“How are babies made?”
– 10 year old tutee’s question because we were talking about reproduction

I had no idea how to answer because a) he thought that marriage made babies (how do animals have babies if they’re not married?) b) I believe that parents should sort out this sex talk, not a teacher. I really don’t mind teaching them scientifically but it’s quite inappropriate considering their ages.

Anyway, on the topic of sexual education, is it better for the child to learn about it independently or be taught (for naught of a better word) about it? To put things simply, should parents teach their children/explain to their children what sex is?

My life. I never want to be put in that position ever again. No kids for this bitch, no thank you.

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3 more weeks

It’s insane. This 8 month break is going to be over really soon and on one hand, I’m extremely excited for school for begin. On the other, I’m anxious and stressed out floundering through all the necessary registration and administrative matters.

It’s my last truly “free” week before school begins as I’m going to be working for the next two and attending orientation for the last week. Although it’s supposedly free I’m still rushing about doing all sorts of things. Reading checklist is currently 80% undone, driving is stressing me out, and I’ve one last interview that I want to ace this Saturday.

Despite how finalised everything seems, I still feel quite wistful. Ever since I was 14 I’ve dreamed of studying abroad for university. It motivated me. I was idealistic and naive but it was my dream. 200k back then wasn’t something that I gave two hoots about to put things simply. And it’s easy to aim for the stars and convince oneself that it’s what one really wants to do. These days, I’m just so lost. No idea what I want to do (I have a vague idea of being a freelancer/doing something related to writing/coming up with creative solutions) and a tonne of shit that needs to be done anyway. I’m still coming to terms with this reality and the journey that awaits me. How I wish I had (done) things differently. But I’ve truly tried my best and I guess things just fuck up sometimes. I’ve won a battle but there’s still a million to be fought before this war ends.

Who knew that things would turn out this way? I wonder what my 14 year old self thinks about where I’ve ended up. Pretty wrecked and ruined as always, but still alive and ready to put up a damn good fight before I get put down again. 8 months of shit and harsh lessons. Thank the heavens that it’s finally over soon.