Isolated thoughts

Month: August, 2015

The worst is yet to come

Yesterday was pay day (hurrah!) and I was given the opportunity to take on another subject. That would mean that I can hit a certain goal of mine and possibly save more, which tempts me so badly. But it’s also beginning to dawn on me how much work I need to do every single week for school. I’m overloading and although I’m slacking in certain modules it’s no excuse not to give my best for everything. Readings are driving me insane – think 30 pages a week for 6 modules on top of tutorials and other group work. Three of my week day nights are effectively gone now due to work commitments and cca. My weekends are also pretty packed. I’m really not too sure what I should do. On one hand it’ll be nice to have extra cash (short term gain) but on the other my studies are my priority (long term gain?). I’ll probably mull over it and let the client know soon.

Tutorials have begun and it’s been pretty interesting so far. I quite enjoy meeting new people and chit-chatting about random things, really. Thankfully most of the art modules are generally enjoyable and have relatively manageable workloads and less class participation (hate it but life goes on). On the other hand I sense that one of my other modules is going to be one hell of a content-heavy but interesting ride.

Driving is ending soon and I’m so relieved that I passed the final evaluation yesterday! I was stressed out and pissed off the moment I set off on the test route because of some mistakes I made. It snowballed from me being upset over a really stupid thing to making mistakes lane changing and all. Hopefully, in 3 weeks I’ll get my license and wreck some havoc.

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Equilibria

I think I’ve found my balance. Been planning out my future modules and I’m quite excited to delve deeper into what is going on this term as well as the next. So far I don’t feel very mentally stretched or challenged but I suppose that’s because I’m only attempting level 1000 mods this couple of terms. I’ve got next semester’s modules down (as far as I know) and it’s looking good. My only gripe is that my timetable this semester is shite. 5 day work week thanks to a muck up during balloting and pure bad luck, with a couple of tight squeezes but I’ll survive. Just came to the realisation that I have a couple of days with only lectures which I could skip. The literature lecture would be the first to go in that case.

Been sitting in on lectures alone which is quite enjoyable and chill actually. I find that I focus better in solitude, when I have no one else/anyone being “noise” around me. It also forces independence. If you miss it, you don’t have someone else to fall back on unless you ask the person next to you. I wish I had more modules like this – lectures and tutorials with less group interaction although it can be nice.

And life goes on.

Disappointment

This might just be pms – the time of the month when I’m extra sensitive and irrational over the slightest things. I absolutely hate “wasting money” in the sense of not getting what I think its worth. And today was just a damn horrible day with regards to that.

I was so exhausted that I crashed at home for about an hour. Had lunch (which I didn’t particularly enjoy) before heading off. Just my luck, I’m on a stubborn sonofabitch that annoys the fuck out of me, its 32 degrees out and it’s stifling in the arena. I have no idea why I can survive days of training and riding but not do the same for a private lesson. Anyway, I ended up doing basically nothing, learning nothing and ended up puking my fucking guts out afterwards and almost blacking out. What the fuck is wrong with me?

So I basically wasted $150 for no fucking reason o my god Jolyn you winner you fucking rich bastard.

I’ve made so many bad decisions and mistakes this year it’s a fucking joke. My body is a joke. My life is a joke.

Wistful

Time keeps on rolling and leaving me behind.