Isolated thoughts

Month: February, 2016

Week -1 (Let’s just call it orientation)

An excerpt from an email that I’ve sent:

So hey,
I’ve spent approximately 5 days in this place and I’m loving it (ew thinking about it in that overly cheerful jingle). The room’s pleasant and the weather much cooler than in Singapore especially at night. The cool breezes in the morning and waking up without an alarm are heavenly. So’s looking out and seeing bunnies on your lawn ha ha…
Independent living hasn’t really dawned on me just yet. Maybe it’s because of the free food I’ve been getting here and there and the lack of need to be extremely frugal (or cheap) with food at the moment since I’ve been left alone with a well-stocked cupboard for about 10+ days. I’m excited to be more adventurous with my cooking and to go after one of my goals of the year: to be a better cook. I wish I could reach the stage whereby I can whip up something delicious but that’s going to be a long and disgusting road of failed experiments and burnt food.
Budgeting is a damned headache and heartache. On one hand, I’m pretty carefree and am out to enjoy myself. However, thoughts regarding being able to get a worthwhile return from this investment plague my mind and I’m so so afraid that I cannot live up to these dreams.
On the social side, I can’t say that I’m lonely. I’m definitely not. Alone time is something that I still treasure and hold precious whenever I have the chance (hence the frantic typing and mulling close to midnight). Furthermore, my apartment seems to be extremely diverse, with people from all over the world! I’m getting to know them better and all, and its fun conversing in chinese and english. But I’m still nervous about not having met any of the many fellow countrymen pursuing their studies at the same place. Is it normal to yearn for the comfort of or the semblance of comfort from conversing with people you’re familiar with? Or with people who you know will be keeping you company in your course of study?
I’m extremely happy with the pace of life here. It’s beautiful. And the perspectives are so diverse and it’s been everything I’ve dreamed of, truly. Home seems so far away but then again it’s just a short 5 hour plane ride away. Am missing Honey and home as always, but regular FaceTime conversations are great as well. Once I’ve my Skype set up or when I’m in campus using free wifi let’s FaceTime too.
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Goodbyes

I’ve always been terrible at goodbyes.

 

Wistful

Leaving home for 10 months abroad seems so daunting that I wonder how I’d survive in a foreign land with no one to count on. It has come to a point (due to my procrastination) that I have literally no idea how I’m going to fend for myself. No idea how to cook a bowl of rice, how to do the dishes and how to do my laundry. On that living independently front, I’m screwed. Learning how to cook shall be another new year resolution. Let’s see how that goes when one is forced into that independence.

Thinking about university, I’ve never felt so contented as I do now. I guess that this is really my dream come true; studying what I like that would lead me to a career in this wonderful field. The fact that I’ve made it on my own special terms makes this opportunity even more precious than anything else I’ve ever been through in my life. And considering how defining this would be for my future, I’m glad that I took this otherwise insane leap and that I’m backed by my unconditionally supportive parents. Dreams are worth pursuing. That’s all I can say.

I’m going to miss home and Honey and all the good things in Singapore as well. It makes me feel so wistful, to be leaving this place. I guess I know that I’m going to be leaving quite a lot of things behind, and that as I evolve as a person for 5 years in a different environment, my outlook of the world and disposition might become inherently disagreeable to some. Am probably going to be a little behind in life as I graduate later; 24 when I’m back – who knows what’s going to be happening then?

Packing up and seeing the room becoming emptier by the day makes me more melancholic than I would think.