by Jolyn Low
The wifi at my place sucks big time. The apartments are not provided with complementary wifi so my roommates and I have sourced for an alternative that gives us unlimited internet for $80 per month. Even so, it is slow and does not work at times. Hence, when I am actually connected I just take full advantage of it. We are fortunate enough to be located close enough to school as well so that we can occasionally tap on the school’s wifi when it is not being used by too many people in school (i.e. during holidays and on weekends).
Yesterday, I had a good run. I ran for three consecutive days last week, from Friday to Sunday. This week has only been Saturday so far. I plan to do another run this afternoon followed by a good break hiding in the shadows and watching videos using the good wifi at the fields. Back in high school, I hated running so much. I hated the searing hot sun and the feeling of being too unfit and weak – unable to go any faster just because I can’t. Here, it is different. Running is difficult to schedule in because I struggle with the weather. This means that a run can only be done when the sun and hence the temperature is at its peak – from 3pm to 5pm. I refused to head out when it rains or when I’ve had a heavy day (ending from 4.30 after a tiring farm practical or at 5.30 after a shit day). I really should though. I aim to be able to run 5km by the end of the year. I expect to be able to run from my house to the nature park and back home, a loop of about 4km.
I am thinking of making myself roasted salmon as a good treat before next week begins. My Monday, Wednesday and Thursday would be full days – with lectures, labs and practicals. I am afraid for this week’s practical because we are dealing with cattle and frankly speaking, that’s terrifying after all the horror stories that I’ve heard. I also need to prepare for my first assignment submission next week, followed by an online quiz that is graded. I really need to find some motivation.
Spent yesterday doing a graded report and submitting my resume for some jobs. I don’t know if it is a good idea to do so given my lack of motivation in school coupled with my still-fragile emotional state, but I really do want to own my very own car (eventually). At the very least, if I manage to save, I would be able to purchase textbooks and offset some costs next year – isn’t that good?
“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they cant find them, make them.” – Vivie Warren, Mrs Warren’s Profession
I believe in hard work and pursuing one’s dreams. I admit, that I was fortunate enough to have parents so selfless and loving that they would spend an estimated $300k on my education (25, 50, 50, 90, 76). It is not easy living with the knowledge that your school fees are a huge burden – that with that money, all 3 of us kids could have been sent abroad to study any other course. I am fortunate to be living with like-minded people though. I cannot imagine how stressed out and resentful I would be if I was surrounded by people who spend thousands per month. I cannot blame them for their affluence, but some things just can’t work when you scrimp and save and someone else has no qualms putting down $40 for a meal. It just can’t work out sometimes.
Despite the countdown, I kind of dread going home. It means falling into the comfort of dependency, of being coddled and treated like a fragile little thing, brought out for lunches and dinner just because I am back and evidently cannot take care of myself properly abroad. It means the dreadful feeling of displacement. Not amongst family, but in pretty much every other circle that still exists. When I get back at the end of 2020, after what I envision to be the most trying two years of my life, armed with my bachelor of science and dvm, who will be there? There will be no friendships of convenience as I have long left anyone that was there behind when I did the insane. What can I say? “I’m sorry, what was that inside joke about? Remember: I’ve been abroad for about 5 years and have missed out on all these shared experiences that you’ve had together?”