Shining

by Jolyn Low

I wish to adopt a guinea pig, or a rabbit to keep me company whilst I’m here. It’s no fun studying about animals when you don’t have the company of one every day. I miss Honey beyond words but she’s never going to come here with me. I facetimed my mother and she mentioned how animals sometimes responded to their owners over facetime. We tried but I think Honey was just confused.

The past few days have been passing by quite quickly. Life seems to go by faster than ever now as compared to when I first came back. I’ve been moping (what’s new), studying and basically trying to live a little at the same time. Kinda need to get my shit together though, I’m a complete mess in certain aspects – like studying for my statistics test. Its 5%, but still. It’ll be good to do well to check my progress and force myself to catch up.

I find myself relaxing quite a bit this semester as compared to the last. I chill a lot more, volunteer and attend many other events as well. I haven’t done the consistent notes that I had last semester either. I probably should, but it’s a huge bother for the one unit that I probably should do it for. I have bootcamp tomorrow; I need to get fit.

I’m getting better. I don’t think that it’s possible to simply slap on an “expiry date” of when you should get over someone. It takes time – to reminisce, to be angry and feel betrayed, and to grieve. It is difficult to go into a mature love at this stage in life as well. What am I? Merely a 20 year old with an uncertain future and a lack of experience. I have yet to learn how to love freely without pettiness and thinking of love as an exchange.

Neither am I ready for it, for I have yet to meet the expectations of what I intend a future partner to be. I have a lot to learn about being kind and generous as well. I am trying though, believe me. I don’t think that kindness comes easily to me. But I try to be kind to people around me, and I try to be the best friend, classmate or acquaintance that I can be. I’m surrounded by so many kind people anyway. I want to be a good person too.

It’s good to be surrounded by people older than you sometimes, people who have seen things and have insight on greater things in life.

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