18. 

by Jolyn Low

It’s going to be winter soon, but I find the weather quite lovely. I haven’t yet found the need to turn on the heater, which comes as a bit of a surprise because (if I’m not wrong) I started using the heater end April last year. I suck at the cold (because large surface area to volume ratio) so this comes as quite a relief! I’ve also found that the secret to keeping warm and toasty at night is to layer blankets – fleece under polyester works wonders for me.

On Friday I got myself a guinea pig because I felt like it. He actually has a cage and a leash this time so he’s not going anywhere. Wilbur (named after the pig in Charlotte’s Web) had matted bum hair, a cage in dire need of cleaning and a very poor diet. His owner, a child, got bored of him, hence his condition. He got his nails clipped, bum shaved and a bath and I scrubbed out his cage. He’s quite docile and sweet, if slightly bland but it’s okay, for we can be boring together. I want him to have a good home now.

My only concern is that he might be lonely when I am at school all day, and that he might outlive my stay in this country. It’s still a while away though, so I shall hope that in the meantime, he adapts to his diet of hay and settles into his new home properly. Update: he’s doing well!

I really don’t like making mistakes – it makes me feel inadequate and incredibly small. It is inevitable, I suppose, for them to occur anyway in the process of learning. I just want all this self-doubt and being incredibly not-good enough to end one day, if ever. Also, I just want to have the resilience to make it through and the quiet confidence that I am doing the right things (and make the right decisions) after all.

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