21.

by Jolyn Low

My week has gone past relatively alright, if uneventful. It was my group’s turn for the ethical dilemma debates. We had to speak in front of a class of 60-ish and it was so daunting and I was shaking because I didn’t feel like people were receptive to my argument. It wasn’t easy being in the position opposing the emotive pro-welfare and “adopt don’t shop” side at all. I question myself if I’d ever be comfortable with public speaking. Maybe I just wasn’t speaking my true mind (would’ve called everyone hypocrites and I’m quite sure a ‘go fuck yourself’ would’ve come about) or maybe I just wasn’t confident from not having memorised my script. I like to think that it was the latter. I’m not confrontational or very good at arguing at all. I’d much rather present the information impartially and let people decide for themselves.

It is very cold tonight so I’m lighting my yankee candle and holing up in my room to study for the tests on Monday. My family is coming over in June to visit, and I am quite excited to see them but wary because I just haven’t seen them in so long. Also, I have never been with them in this context, here in Perth. I always find difficulty in transposing – I never quite know how people and I myself act in different environments. I am quite ready to be pampered and fussed over by my parents though. They can meet Wilbur and I can take all the leftover food when they go. I reckon I’d be quite sad when they leave, for I am trying not to go back until 2018. It just doesn’t make sense to do so, not when I have no purpose to be there other than to cuddle Honey and meet old friends. There is no purpose as of yet, but there will be once clinical practicals kick in in from end 3rd to 5th year.

I took part in an online survey with regards to my views about the homeland, and I shall get a limited edition ez link card with credit. How exciting. I can’t wait for it to eventually arrive. It got me thinking that one of my biggest worries is not being able to assimilate well after having spent a large portion of my young adulthood away. I predict a lot of rebuilding and starting over again, which isn’t particularly bad. It just makes me wistful that I made the very conscious choice for a very different life, sacrificing what could have been a very comfortable (if meaningless) time. I try not to ponder ‘what-ifs’ anymore though, and I think that it is better this way.

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