22.

by Jolyn Low

This week I attended an award presentation ceremony because I did well enough to end up in the top 2% of students enrolled in a bachelor’s degree last year. Those who scored 5 high distinctions were eligible. It was a nice award, if not special because year one was relatively manageable. Also, basically a third of my class was there. It didn’t feel very significant an achievement at all. I felt like congratulations were not meaningful because I didn’t perceive it as an achievement – it felt like another benchmark that I used to make sure that I was on par with my peers yet again. And it wasn’t good enough; it doesn’t mean anything because it does not mean that you are good/the best. I don’t see how it even helps in the long run – what is another nice paper stating that one was excellent at their academics? It does not guarantee me the success that I desire.

Other than receiving nice awards, eating good food and drinking champagne (which was very nice; fancy is good sometimes), I also got to spend time with some very dear friends. I suppose the awards night extends beyond the individual – I definitely wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for the parental and social support that was extended to me and enabled me to excel. I recall very difficult nights just crying until I would exhaust myself and fall asleep, and wake up feeling even more stress from not studying. I did do my fair bit of procrastination last minute studying as well. On the most difficult nights, I was that close to booking a one way ticket home or a ticket to nowhere, which thankfully didn’t happen. I didn’t cope well. But most things worked out fine in the end.

In other news, my favourite show is coming out with its new season soon! I’ve been going down the rabbit hole, drowning in the theories and theorising with friends when I really should be studiously hitting the books. I just want to graduate eventually and be able to do the things that I would want to. In the meantime, I shall enjoy life and chill a little because its going to be a very tough ride to the end of semester 1.

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