by Jolyn Low

I was reading an article on how young couples are applying for BTOs and that started the whole ‘shit what am I doing with my life’ slippery slope that I go down when I think about it. People my age – granted, I don’t turn 21 for a few more days, are committing to one of the greatest purchases of their lives. And here I am struggling through the shitloads of information that I need to be a measly vet. I am literally spending the amount of money needed to buy a home on my education and that makes me want to laugh because it’s ridiculous. I will be 24.5 years old when I finally finish, and still, that does not mean that I will get hired. My salary will be comfortable to live on but not exceptionally great despite my qualifications. Like, why bother? I could’ve settled for some other course and be halfway through at this rate. I also could’ve continued giving tuition and working other jobs to earn money whilst studying. I wish I wasn’t so bent on studying vet sometimes. Life would’ve been much easier, and cheaper, if I had done something else. If I were given another shot I would probably choose to be a divorce lawyer. I’d even get to dress nicely without the fear of dirtying my clothes with strange body fluids. How wonderful.

Then again I think that I really needed to get out of Singapore. I had to get out of a country that really was stifling the 19 year old me, and I need my 3.5 years more to see things from a different perspective. I don’t quite regret leaving, and neither do I hesitate about giving up many time and geographically-sensitive relationships. Sometimes I wish that I’d decided to leave sooner. Time flies though. I was 19 when I left and now I’m going to turn 21 in about 10 days time. I’m still in my little bubble of studies, live-in responsibilities, staying alive and finding little adventures to go on. I wonder if working life would be the same. I think it would. I predict that it would be work and home, and whatever social events and gatherings that happen if I have any friends. And even when one settles down, it does seem very much the same. It’s just that the settings change – new workplaces, new homes, but still the bubble of one’s routine life. Work, social life and home. The bubble might expand eventually to encompass more people – new friends, kids etc. But wow, that is literally life.

Sometimes I wish that WA snowed. Just so that I can run outside and do snow angels in the backyard. I think that waking up to snow covered grounds would be a lovely thing. It makes me want to go back to Japan or just anywhere, really, where I can stomp through snow and throw snowballs at whoever is with me. Then run into a warm shop for food and a hot drink before bracing the cold again. Wishes though, not reality.

Then again, because I am an asshole, I thought – “why spend 500k on a house (in a relationship with someone I can never be 100% sure about because people do break up) when I can spend it on something infinitely more important and certain, on myself”