by Jolyn Low

I’d forgotten how intense 2 hour exams could be. But as I sat for my first finals yesterday I found that I did ‘fuck that I don’t know but it’s okay’ a lot more often and easily. I don’t think that there is any shame in acknowledging that one doesn’t know something. Instead, its far better to be honest and just say “look, I don’t know but I think it might be xyz, and therefore I am thinking that doing abc is good…, what do you think?” or “I’m not 100% sure, please let me check and get back to you”. And god knows but I reckon I will be doing that quite a bit in the future.

After my exams yesterday, my classmates and I went to get bubble tea. It was nice spending time with them doing something that is extremely normal – I have yet to have hung out with a bunch of Singaporeans to have a meal and chatter away for a good while. It certainly felt nice, if comforting, to be around people who have had the same upbringing that I had. Words came easy, and it was comfortable. Whilst I love my antisocial me-time, I miss such things too.

I turn 21 today, and whilst it is supposed to be a coming-of-age, I felt like I am far older and weary. I absolutely dislike my birthday because I get stressed out with exams and dealing with it being a ‘special’ day. I do not see what is so special about a single life when thousands are born every day. Insignificance is very comforting as compared to comparing, expecting and being disappointed. If I could genuinely wish for something, I think that I would like to receive flowers on my birthdays. It seems simple and silly for flowers die, but I like the sentiment. It seems romantic. I’d never gotten flowers before (what! a! shocker!!!) so I wouldn’t know, really. I suppose to be precise I would like simple flowers, and lots of love and affection on my birthdays.

Tough luck getting that, Jolyn.

/edit: I also want pancakes.