by Jolyn Low
I spent my new year anti-climatically motion sick, tossing in bed and working on an animal that would inadvertently be put to sleep. It was sad, and I decided that I would never knowingly purchase an animal with a severe breed disposition towards certain diseases unless I was personally capable of ensuring otherwise. I wrote my first sympathy card and also watched Howl’s Moving Castle which has got to be one of my favourite animated movies ever.
On the bright side, I am quite financially comfortable at the moment, which is a relief for someone supporting their living expenses by themselves. Whilst lazing around watching While You Were Asleep and now Love O2O (in a desperate attempt to improve my Chinese and also because the leads are perfect – I am fangirling), I now feel well rested enough and ready to take on year 3. I’ve decided that I shall attempt to save $5k this year, improve my Chinese, give my all in my studies, whilst taking the time to care for myself and the people around me. I am also determined to put more effort into cooking different cuisines – like how I made kimchi fried rice for the very first time today, doing my laundry properly and keeping the apartment clean because a good environment does wonders for my overall mood. Also, I will try my best to curb FOMO and learn how to say no whilst also making sure that I do take time off to enjoy myself when I’m not at uni.
Overall, the endless jostling and repositioning myself in this long, arduous race continues. But I will pursue this with a renewed sense of vigour and with slightly more wisdom and a bit of relief for I have come further than I have ever expected thus far with good grades, a comfortable place to learn and live for free and well-paying jobs that contribute to my resume. I also like to think that I have grown more comfortable in my own skin and become slightly vainer in a good way i.e. wearing girlier *chokes* things on the regular even though to be very honest I’ve only recently purchased a handful of new clothes when they were all on sale and ~5 bucks.
On this subject of vanity, I was very struck by the scene in Howl’s Moving Castle where Sophie has an outburst saying “So you think you’ve got it bad? I’ve never once been beautiful in my entire life!”. I feel that every day I wake up to frizzy hair, stubby limbs, less than elegant features and frustratingly blurry sight to the extent that I will not be able to see a loved one’s face even though they’re right beside me. So, lastly, I resolve to love myself more this year, all broken and ugly bits included, and treat myself the way I would like to be.