1. Tumultuous

I’ve been feeling raw and upset due to a few situations regarding work and I just need to get it off my chest. I’m very grateful that my mother still video calls me on the regular despite juggling a full-time job and keeping a house in order. God knows how she video called me every single night when I was at my most tumultuous state. And hence I’ve had her guidance on how to handle these rather delicate matters because my initial reaction is extreme frustration and anger and it would’ve meant a confrontational and aggressive way of dealing with it.

I just feel so incredibly frustrated that despite all my hard work and effort, having done nothing wrong, that screw-ups of this sort exist. It’s more work and it stresses me out for it directly affects me – and frankly speaking I do not think that I deserve this. Not after driving 3 hours in the dark to get to uni for a training workshop where my position wasn’t guaranteed. Racking up 1200kms in the span of a week and almost falling asleep at the wheel because I was just so damn exhausted. Not after sacrificing compulsory lesson time to help others. And not after having done everything by the book and professionally. I am sincerely praying for everything to be settled the way I hope for it to be tomorrow. Please.

Whilst everything is now almost all settled with work, I’ve just had the worst 24 hours in the longest while. I feel terrible. And I am doubting myself a lot right now, feeling like I’m walking on eggshells. I really wish I would just cry and get everything out of my system but it’s not happening and I wonder when I would snap.

On the bright side, yesterday was good hanging out with friends, gymming and going window shopping. I quite like going to the mall with people who shop a lot because it’s refreshingly exhilarating to go around trying on clothes, especially the styles you never thought you’d pull off in your life. I reckon it satisfies the vainest bits of me whenever I find something that looks really damn good on me but my practical side prevented me from blowing a hundred bucks on an evening outfit because I live the poor student life. Maybe if it goes on sale in about 2 months.


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