I often think about and attempt to plan for the (far) future. If there is anything that I believe in, it’s that the small random steps in various directions when I was younger has very nicely lined up to bring me where I am right now. My very position in life, studying to become a veterinarian was the ultimate product of a youth reading books on horses, riding, softball training, a biodiversity research project, teaching internship and random foray through a part-time job into veterinary practice. As well as good grades, because I don’t have the luxury of failure. The unrelated bits made me used to great failure, and I had never tasted anything as bitter as not feeling like I had a place in my countries’ society on my terms.
These days I contemplate returning to Singapore, setting life goals and evaluating when, if ever, would be a good time. It is easy to say ‘I want to work abroad and take my career to its greatest heights, and in order to be the best veterinarian I can be’. I definitely would love to do that and see more of this world. But I also have roots in a country where I have obligations to meet and people to face. I’m not sure if I can ever move out of my parents’ home before I turn 35 because I am not confident that I would ever be able to qualify for public housing before that. Not that I desperately want to, because free rent is nice. Mortgages are scary as well.
If there is anything I would want to be like, I want to be like a weed. I want to grow in the harshest of environments, and slip through the cracks like a pesky little shit that just won’t go away. I want to be resilient in the face of uncertainty, and I want to insist on thriving, despite how much the world wants me to wilt away.
On a more trivial note, I have decided that a girl’s best friend is a cute sundress. Also, re-learning chemistry in order to run my sessions is hard. Someone send help because I have forgotten almost everything I’ve learnt in year 1. I also realised whilst grocery shopping today that I am secretly quite keen on becoming a housewife. Why be a vet when you can stay at home, shop, clean, cook and do laundry all day?