11.

by Jolyn Low

I’m in my ‘ok, time to clear out the pantry before I leave for 9 days, good riddance’ stage where I try my best to finish everything but I’m always 2 potatoes and 5 carrots away from achieving my goal. And then again it is incredibly tempting to buy that 10kg bag of rice that I do not urgently need, alongside a good kilo of salmon because it is cheap.

I am glad that I’m taking time off to go back despite the possibility of falling behind on already abysmal grades because:

1. I need a break from work and trying (+ failing) to be the better man.

2. Life has been extremely trying. I feel like I’ve just dived head into a choppy sea, and sure, it is slightly calmer underwater but I’m sinking. And it’s only week 3.

3. I’ve been questioning why I try so hard to keep up with my studies, work and get involved when really, does it matter in the end? I will, realistically speaking, never be rich no matter how much effort I put into all my pursuits. Unless I somehow become a tai-tai, but what’s the sheer likelihood of that?

4. I hate people. Passive-aggressive moment here but I struggle to live with people sometimes. I acknowledge that I am anal and selfish – because all of us are self-serving creatures to an extent. But I will never take advantage of my living situation without giving due consideration to my position, and neither will I impose for an extended period of time. Furthermore, I will not be surly and rude despite feeling uncomfortable or timid maybe, and I will basically never be a surly, unpleasant bitch to someone who is otherwise a stranger. No matter what someone else says.

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