33.

I had procrastinated on my assignment yet again. So despite having all the information that I needed to complete my report 1.5 years ago, I only completed it by pulling an all-nighter. It has come to my realisation that I don’t do very well in take-home assignments. My strength lies in formal exams and holding up during times of stress.

So I slept at 5.30am, woke with a start at 7.50am, rushed out in four degree weather in just one fleece jacket and made it on time for my first lecture of the day. I was in that dozy state of mind with no fucks given (clearly still am…) and dying eyes but I had to work. Great. To be very frank it was the only reason why I was in uni anyway. It was the first session and I didn’t want to mess it up but it went swimmingly well in my opinion. I’m glad that I didn’t waste $5 on coffee. Then I spent the remaining 3 hours after refining my work and chatting with this girl who invited me to join her study booth.

I’m proud of my socialization today despite the physical and mental exhaustion. That’s the only word I can use to describe how my first two weeks of uni went. I am literally almost hitting the limit for hours that I can work, got taxed, and haven’t really had the chance to sit down and review anything. This isn’t sustainable in the long run, and the part of my brain that I’ve trained to say ‘no’ to time-wasting activities is begging for some relief.

My new jam.

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32.

Me trying to keep warm in winter: boiling water every hour, taking extra warm baths, drinking all sorts of hot drinks and soups and wearing three layers in 10-20 degree weather. My water supply also got messed up (after a day of work with animals nonetheless) and it meant a super quick shower, stocking up on water and brushing my teeth on rationed water. It also made me realise how much I normally waste in my daily life and for that, I feel sorry and I shall repent.

I have also decided that I shall save up for my own apartment and would honestly prefer a big dog. Like a greyhound, or something very handsome and regal. And a cat with the cutest face. Despite how much I disliked my adolescence, I still want to move back. Eventually.

Excited for an entire December at home! I was quite earnestly searching for ways to get home sooner but I suppose 4 weeks it is. I can’t wait to eat. And do fun placements. And celebrate hun bun’s birthday! That little shit turns 8 this year!

31.

I’ve had no wifi for the past 1.5 weeks but have finally fixed it so it isn’t as terrible as it seems now.

Uni will restart in 4 days and I am not ready. As the semesters go by I find myself less and less prepared, anticipating less and feeling more tired in general before going in. On one hand, this has to do with more work – I am literally working full time in the week before university begins. And customer service sort roles are good practice for my future career but are tiring anyway. It is really good for my bank account but perhaps not so beneficial for my outstanding report and grades.

My week back is also a bit of a jumbled mess with regards to work. And I’m counting down the 18.5 weeks till I’m back in Singapore because I miss my dog and I wish to eat myself sick.

30.

后来的我们 is really good! I am pleasantly surprised.

Also, I think that I have used up my lifetime’s worth of luck scraping through this semester and got blessed with my grades. Considering insomnia, all-nighters, meltdowns and unfortunate events it feels quite good to have made it out relatively unscathed and alive. I can now file and pack away all my notes from semester one and bask in the comfort of having passed everything.

I have also realised that winter break is great because I have literally tried so many new things. Not all of which are pleasant. I was too enthusiastically calling people out during a game of cheat (which I was quite successful at) and ended up downing a few too many tequila and vodka shots. I died and woke up hungover for the first time ever; I have never felt shittier from too much vomiting, dehydration and possible liver failure. I swore that I would never drink again but ended up inhaling champagne before a fitness course, which can never be a good idea.

My life is a mess.

28.

Life in a nutshell – instead of taking up a scholarship to do a degree and possibly having graduated now I decided to take up the shitfest that is vet school and slog my guts out for nothing. My degree is a mere means to an end and a ticket to doing what I need to do to survive.

I graduate at 24, will be unsettled for several years after and I can never commit to anyone or anything because I will be moving about quite a bit if everything goes according to plan. I have realised that I have so many things that I would like to do and places that I would like to see. And that I would seriously regret not trying it all out before I settle down somewhere because there’s just so much to see and it’s just easier thinking about all of this when I assume that I’m going to be doing this all on my own.

Adulting has been pretty fun though. I filed my taxes for the first time and I look forward to getting my return. I have also signed up for pole dancing lessons, which is something that I’ve always semi-joked about doing but it’s finally happening and I wish I’d done it sooner because it’s so much fun. It is painful funding it all by myself though – why are the things that I’m interested in doing so expensive. At the very least if I end up living very mediocrely I’ve led a life worth living and have always done what I wanted to do with no regrets.

Winter break has been uneventful and quite relaxing thus far. I’ve been watching a variety of Chinese, Japanese and Korean movies for fun and baking pre-mixed stuff to satisfy my sweet tooth. It’s quite unfortunate but my cooking skills are still quite mediocre i.e. adding sesame oil, dark soy sauce and white pepper to every dish to make it taste good. But I’ve mustered up the courage to make bee hoon and started loving soba so it can’t all be too bad. Work has also been going relatively well. I am pleased with almost everything other than the fact that I’ve screwed my sleep schedule quite majorly and I have a clinical prac starting at 7am next week.

I think my goals for Semester 2 are to adapt to my schedule quickly, study more consistently with a plan in mind and not pull all-nighters. I also want to take more breaks and try to be more mindful because I’ve found myself having stress-related insomnia and mood swings last semester that quite severely impacted my day to day life because I just didn’t get enough sleep, especially in the leadup to exams. I hope that my venture into pole does not leave me feeling like I’m grasping at straws trying to allocate my time to schoolwork, work, club commitments and life and that it serves as a good form of distraction instead.

Just another short 5 months to home and hun bunz! I can’t wait to spoil her with treats and bring her on walks and laze (but not really).

27.

Today I met the sweetest old lady at work. And my goal in life is to age as gracefully and to be as kind as she is when I reach my older years. No matter the hardship and pain.

I kind of wish I were more open about my feelings and was more of a conversationalist. My answers are too abrupt and my efforts to listen are often half-hearted and insincere. And the thing is that I don’t think that reflects who I am on the inside because I am not cold-hearted nor selfish. I try to be generous and giving but I withdraw when I impose my judgement on others based on their past actions. I am also afraid of being stepped on by others more assertive and dominant so I, ironically enough, withdraw even more. But I am not cruel – I mirror the faces of people before me and seeing people cry makes me teary too. I just want a life where I can help strengthen the human-animal bond and lead a pretty serene one of my own. Is that too much to ask for?